i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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