So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
