Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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