You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
