and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
