i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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