Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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