I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
