totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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