home. puking in laundry basket.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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