just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish my penis had a tongue
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
