I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
