just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
