The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
