Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
