drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
