hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
