i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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