Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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