Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
