Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
