trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
