new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
