You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
