i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
