I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I puked a lego.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
