In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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