would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
