I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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