I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
