if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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