Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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