The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
