I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
