you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
