can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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