I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Randomize
