we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
