i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
