So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm jealous of your bromance
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
