some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
