Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
