thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
