she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
