why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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