I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
