Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
