just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
