I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
