my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
