wrigley field is MILF paradise
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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