I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
