toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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