I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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