We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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