Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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