fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
