Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
