I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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