I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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