When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
