We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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