before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
