capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
