If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
