Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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