Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
