you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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