She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think a kid would responsible me up
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
