Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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