So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
