dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
