ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
