Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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