my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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