My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
