and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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